DogWalking

#TBT

岁月如歌

最近喜欢打中文
可能系fb D人都share紧什么歌唱比赛或综艺节目 有的没的
认识我的人都应该知道我比较哈洋 但其实我觉得有D内容 中文写起来会比较贴切
可能系我的英文比较街头化 就总觉得有时词不达意 好似唔够文才
虽然中文程度都系麻麻地 但系多得TVB同壹周刊 我的中文都ngak得下人geh

话说最近回国探亲 本来系打算本着不闻不问的心态同朋友们聚会
殊不知大家十年如一日 虽然倾D野来来去去都系个几味 但系就觉得 咦 其实大家的默契都仲系度 忽然觉得好warm 好似返回中学时期的傻气时代
但系人都会长大 其实大家都已经挥别了当初的稚气 多左份沧桑感同麻甩味
就暂且唔提其他人 就我个人来比 我都觉得我‘成熟’左好多
以前会觉得只要对人好 人地就会对你好
但其实世界哪有1＋1＝2甘简单
来到美国 我学识一样很宝贵的课程
每个人都有自己的agenda，目标同理想
有时候你觉得人家刻意针对 又或者利用紧自己 其实不过系人与人之间 因为观点唔同
因而影响对方的决定 而产生conflict
其实当你踏出个问题圈子 从旁观者身份看内容 可能分析观又会系另一回事
这个世界无人会觉得自己是奸角 系因为好多时候我们做的决定系由我们本身当出发点
无意中影响到其他人 被误当坏人 其实不难了解 广东话都有句 好心做坏事

有时候真的觉得自己很像个计时炸弹
唔知道几时又会爆发 但系年纪大左 系handle情绪方面其实已经升lev左
好 发ngam疯完
早透

(P/S: 没有宫二 怎敢说心事？）

后遗症

年纪大了 记忆开始衰退 是时候把一些回忆给删除
我选择.忘记我们
一起淋过的大雨
一起等过的寿司
一起放过的风筝
一起踏过的单车
一起挤过的巴士
一起看过的电影
一起尝过的西餐
一起share过的可乐
一起塞过的交通
一起聊过的通宵电话
一起看过的家私
一起听过的CD
一起唱过的生日歌
一起憧憬过的未来

虽然偶尔有点窒息 可是这社会让我明白 无论在什么情况之下 都要把最真实的一面 留给自己
只有自己知道自己要什么
You may know what you need, but to get what you want, better see that you keep what you have.

Summer Made In the USA

Can't believe summer is almost over, just a little bit of sunshine and hair blowing in the wind losing track in time.. I guess this is by far the best summer I had in spent in America - visited a couple places, had some spontaneous plans, met new circle of people and most importantly I get to know myself better.
Had some rough moments during this last trip to Santa Cruz and I am somewhat feeling disappointed. Not sure what to do but hopefully I will figure out something soon. *sad face*
With school starting in two days, I can't imagine what's gonna happen in the following months. Anyway done with ranting for now and here are some photos from Santa Cruz. Sadly there's no group photo because I decided to put on my bitch resting face for the remaining trip.

Santa Cruz Beach 

White people wearing skinny jeans to the beach and trying to make sandcastle..

...and then a perfect sandcastle

Emilie 

It's Not Like The Movies

Finding someone who genuinely cares for  you is really hard. On top of that, they have to accept all your flaws and still find a way to bring out the best in you. I am blessed I know and I am grateful for that. Even though most of the time the reality is not meeting the expectations, it is good enough. For me at least. I don't expect life to happen just like the movies, because clearly it is not.

Begin Again

Here I am on a Wednesday in a cafe - blogging haha..
I've been taking writing class lately and I think the class is really helpful in terms of helping me to put out my thoughts on paper. Self-expression I guess. So where should I begin?

Let's start with my hair - incase you haven't heard or seen it on facebook, I dyed my hair blonde! I'm legit blonde now. (yay!) Don't ask me why because I probably can't tell you either. You know, sometimes you just woke up and feel like chopping off all your hair for no reason. It's one of those days. CRAY CRAY!

If I say I'm fully recovered that would be a lie because there's no effing cure for this. However I think I am more stable now than before, just not knowing when shit is gonna hit the fan again. I was so happy yesterday making meals and baking pie for dinner and waking up feeling so wonderful and shit took a 180 degree turn today as I wake up feeling like shit. Gosh this is horrible.

Anyway back to some life events update - went to Six Flags last weekend and got sunburnt! Dang it. I feel very bad because I don't think I did a good job organizing everything but everyone said they were pleased and happy. Still.. i don't know.. Fucking depression argh..

I don't know why I am feeling blue right now

you know you found your best friend when he bought u a gun knowing you have suicidal symptom :)

Duckface with Noah. FAILED

Homemade lasagna

Drinking with Uli AGAIN

Watched 'Only God Forgives' - most pretentious art film ever. 

homemade lime pie

Livin' in the Moment

Summer has been kicking my ass! So much works to juggle between three classes and a part time job. But I'm loving every moment of it. I doubt I would say that a month ago, but hey that's life - you just never know what is going to happen next. Couple headlines for the past few days had been very cloudy but I hope things are going to get better from there. To conclude them all, life does matter and I am grateful for that.  For now just let me share what have I been up to for the past few weeks.

Protesting for Trayvon Martin. LIFE DOES MATTER!

4th of July Potluck! Failed group photo with only 5 people out of 15 :)

Ending Naancie's birthday at a karaoke

Drunk with Uliana. Again

Tried my first creme. Yum!

Acme toast with mimosa for brunch. Fucking 30 dollars gone. YOLO

Redo an old assignment for the sake of painting. Love the outcome

Went hiking at Bernal Hill. Love mother nature!

Took my first caltrain (aka bullet train of Cali) ride to San Jose

Jogged an hour to Palace of Fine Art #WORTHIT

made Trey ate cow's stomach at Sunny's hotpot dinner 

chocolate soufflé! Must save up for Paris! 

Time to go to bed! This week is gonna be even more hectic with plans of going around more due to work and whats not. Wednesday can't come sooner! Looking forward to Sixflags/ Pacific Rim 2.0/ Live Porn/ Roadtrip/ Driving Test/ Local License... SEPTEMBER
(P/S: Level of awesomeness is hitting all time high. No drugs involved.)

Symbiosis

Half my life I've been having issues trusting people completely. I'm 100% sure it stems from my childhood and all that mess I experienced in life. I think people in general are just using me as a tool. Truth is - it is the truth.

However, not one person till today has told me it is okay to be a tool. In fact - that makes you valuable. I am really happy today because I have found someone who sees values in me. You told me its okay to feel how I feel because we all are living based on symbiosis relationships. I should still have faith in people despite all these parasites who were drowning my life and that was really stupid of me to actually allow them to bring me down.

I am officially ending my great depression today. Life has been nothing but great and I'm grateful for finding someone who I can share my joy with. :) I'm not saying I won't get upset but I will try my best to stay happy. I know I can do it because now I know someone will have my back if I fall. You found me when I was at the lowest point of my life but I sure as hell will improve to be the best version of me anyone will ever seen.

Only four words to sum up how I feel now - 非常幸福

Nightmare

Once again I found myself waking up 3 in the morning because of terrifying nightmare. I woke up feeling choked and haunted. Cold sweats. Got nowhere else to express my fear therefore here am I. Dear internet, you have become my new best friend.

Relief

Relief was always a good thing - back in school when a teacher comes in and tells us its relief period, its always the most cheerful moment.

Fast forward seven years later, relief has became a luxury that we can't afford in a daily basis. Work, school and taking care of ourselves - basically finding a relief time takes well organizing and planning in order to make it happen. It's like finding unicorns for people who aren't details-oriented like me.

Some may suggest, just take the easy way and quit your job if its drowning you. But the bigger question here is actually not my job. I was unhappy even before I begun this horrible journey of being mistreated. This job is just an extra kick to what was already bound to happen. This is the same dilemma I had over and over again for the course of the past few years. I am losing my balance. I feel suffocated. Things are changing and I can't control it. Can't do nothing about it.

Therefore, I came up with a solution. This really has nothing to do with anyone or anything. I am just trying to make myself less miserable. I'm tired of looking for listeners and being angry all the time. I know I am the only one who can help myself out of this misery. It was really nice to have a few of you who really cared for me at one point of my life. Really grateful for that. If you are reading this, I am doing you guys one last big favor. I am on my own now. Peace out!

Fear

I think I am finally catching up with my age lately. Not only I can't stay up all night, I started to be less productive, less fun and most importantly, I stop taking risk.

Is it really due to my age? Perhaps. But right now, I can only relate it to responsibility and fear. I almost don't remember how I did it the first time when I left this place filled with familiar faces and routes. I was very determined and strong hearted back then. Why am I having this hesitation this time around? It's clearly not my first time bidding farewell to people I love.

Fear has started to conquer me in a way I guess. I am afraid of losing a lot of stuffs lately - stuffs that didn't bother me when I first decided to put everything behind and venture into a whole new place by myself. This summer made me realized how much I actually placed on the table in exchange for a better future. I doubt if this future that seems so perfect will ever become a reality - or more importantly, do I see anyone from the present in the picture?

I used to think that - if you have a good life, e.g. nice job, nice car, nice house, the rest will just follow suits. However, I've been questioning myself as of lately - what if everything does come to life, but there's no one to share the joy with me?

I once heard this short story - a father wanted to make his family happy for life. So he set a goal to make a lot of money to bring happiness to his family. He started working real hard in order to provide a better life to the ones he loves. Day and night he worked without really having any interaction with his wife and kids because he was really determined to bring in more comfort to his family. His wife and kids were always having dinner without their husband and father because he'll be at work. Soon they all left. The father was really angry and upset. Why would they left someone who is trying his best to provide everything they needed?

I think this is a great example of how people lose track on their way to search for happiness. Sometimes its not about how delicious a food taste - its the experience - cooking together and creating memories are what makes the food taste better than it was.

I'm not sure if I am on the right path to bring in more happiness to the people around me - or I'm just simply drowning everyone while I blindly think this is the best I could do. I'm just not sure anymore.

Distance is all I am feeling lately.

是我勇敢太久

Goodbye 2011

Seriously I still don't understand how time works - it just went by so quickly! 2011 has been really a great year for me; so many ups and downs and shit happened, but hey life goes on! When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Hopefully this is what will happen in 2012. Looking back 2011 it has to be a year for my studies. I had a big comeback (woot woot!) on my grades since it went downhill after PMR. LOL. Not to mention I effing nailed all my classes to a point people nicknamed me as the Maya (3D program) God. HAHAHA. Here's hoping I will maintain the drive for studies and keep improving and have better artworks to share with everyone. I wish everyone stays healthy for the upcoming year nevertheless. Goodbye 2011 and hello 2012!! Partayyy and work hard bitches! When life gives you lemon, just sell it and buy yourself a drink!

This is my last artwork of 2011: guess the portrait? 

I tried to approach the same drawing style back in March. Clearly a failure

My Suicide 03.29.1967

One of the better soundtrack I've heard in awhile. So beautiful! So good that I have to upload it to youtube myself!

The score is from a recent movie I watched awhile ago called The Artist. The movie was beyond words. Definitely check it out. I think the 'public version' is available online now. Not bootleg. Whoops. This is the movie trailer. The trailer is so good it pretty much sums the movie.


So this is me showing my support for the movie - Hope you win big for the upcoming Golden Globe and Oscar next year! You deserve it!

My 1st Visit To ILM Studio

There's a new movie out now everywhere else besides U.S. - The Adventures of Tintin, by Steven Spielberg. Fortunate enough, my pal Cory was invited to a private screening over at ILM (Industrial Lights and Magic) - the visual effects studio behind almost every major hollywood blockbusters - Ironman, Transformers, Captain America, Avengers, just to name a few, and he asked me to be his plus one. So so so stoked!!

I've been really excited about this ever since I saw the teaser trailer

The entrance to the ILM theatre~ That's the Jedi Fountain. How George Lucas was that huh?

Darth Vader: another Lucas icon

What an eye opening visit! Too bad we can only take pictures around the entrance. Back to the movie - it was a really good movie. Best adjective to describe the movie? It's very Steven Spielberg! LMAO. A lot of lens flare shots, 50s jokes (which I really enjoyed - its all about retro peeps! Haters gonna hate!),  Sharks, Indiana Jones vibe and etc. Just the last one makes a movie hella good already. The CG part just blew my mind away, like completely. I like how every scene was transitioned beautifully from one to another - that really takes a lot of effort to make sure the visual flows. Action sequences were really well constructed too. The good thing about Spielberg is, you are always quenching to find out what is going to happen next - because he is just that good at building up the anticipation. I like how the graphic sticks to the original designs of the comic version of Tintin. That really takes a lot of studies. Jamie Bell did a great job breathing life to Tintin too because I can see Tintin as a real life human instead of just an animated character. I've seen The Polar Express but this one is a way better Motion Capture than that one was. So to sum this trip up - go and watch Tintin already!! Definitely gonna be a contender for Oscar's best animated feature next year. Won't be surprised if it wins.

(P/S: I wouldn't mind working at ILM at all!!)

Sunday Portrait

I just don't feel like doing any academic-related work today - So I did this. Guess the sketch?

Vegas!